1. Personal post that is really not that interesting, I just had to put that somewhere. My mum called me and we were talking about her new living-room wallpaper when she suddenly said “Oh I met B.’s mother yesterday at a company event, you remember we work together, don’t you? She told me B. moved to Berlin as well and you should totally meet him! I also went to the drugstore of S.’s parents the other day and S. is now living in Berlin, too! This could be a high school reunion!”

    B. and S. were two of my best friends during my final 3 years of school, but there’s a reason why we’re not friends anymore. S. moved to Leipzig to go to university and we never really saw each other and we have a somewhat awkward past and I got together with T. and he found a girlfriend and that was pretty much the end of the story. He recently added me on Facebook, his mum probably told him the same thing my mum told me, but we haven’t messaged. I wouldn’t even know what to say. I saw him last in 2007, I think.

    B. was my best friend for quite some time, a few years actually, but during our final year, he suddenly never had time for me anymore. I knew he was struggling with bad grades and I wanted to help him but he wouldn’t let me. He made new, much older friends. And when it was his birthday, not even a month before our finals, I gave him his present with a card that wished him good luck for the finals. What I didn’t know, because he didn’t tell me, was, that, just the day before, he’d been told that his grades from the previous exams were not good enough to even allow him to take the finals and that he would have to repeat the year or leave school without a diploma. I do not know why he didn’t tell me and I was hurt and embarrassed when I learned about it from someone else. Needless to say that he didn’t have a birthday present for me two weeks later on our last day of school. The following Monday, finals started and we didn’t even talk before / after the exams. The last time I saw him was at the prom, he had not contacted me during the three months between finals and prom so I didn’t look for him that night. I bumped into him at some point, though, where he just said “Hello, Jana” in a very hurt voice and since I am socially awkward, I just said hi and then went to get a drink. The last time I talked to him was about half a year later, when he called me to tell me that a former classmate and good friend of ours had just been found dead because he jumped from a high building. Of course I couldn’t really say anything after hearing the news and just thanked him for telling me before I hung up and broke down crying.

    B. is the reason why I do not believe in “forever” anymore and why I don’t really let anyone close to me and why I don’t really invest in friendships anymore but rather run if anyone comes to close. I don’t want to feel that awful again as when he drifted away.

    So, yeah, I wouldn’t contact either of them, but I am kind of afraid of what would happen if I bumped into them in Berlin. B. apparently doesn’t even live far away from me.

    Of course I told mum none of this but just made some noises and changed the topic back to wallpapers. She has no idea why I’m not friends with S. and B. anymore.

    February 23, 2012